reading the offline msn conversation a day later
cos basically meiy's battery is pretty low alr
and unknowingly tears welled up
somehow those memories came afloat
if i was as brave tt time
if only i dared to question
if only i'm willing to talk and share
if only i had done more,
put down those 'covers'
and watsoever
then maybe the ending will be diff
or even if not, some qns can be answered
or we can be sth else other than what's today
sad~

so a chapter has closed with a temporary fullstop or so in the current state
but u've done pretty well
not many can be able to get over it with such rational and calmness
or so that whats meiy thinks
even tho its there and will be for a long time
but life has to move on
what's the point of mourning over it
what can u get from it other than more wrinkles, puffy eyes, wet pillow, etc..
so moving on...
and thanks for sharing it with me, it wasn't a nuisance at all.
strength!

alrights so shall start with what i planned to blog intially
somehow or other i can't fathom what i was thinking and feeling over the past few weeks
i can't find any basis to justify for my actions
and it's ratehhr upsetting in some extent
ever more when no one seems to uds what the hell meiy is trying to do.get.take.
i dun blame them cos neither do i
and it's not tt they can't be bothered
its just puzzling
in short, i need a space to breathe in and be myself
i need a comfy zone ard me with no alien invasion
i need...
what do i need?

to that, its still a word - dunno
but now i need my sleep
badly

windows and windows..
meiy open so many of them
but dun reali know what i sld start with haha
staring at the lappie
and decided to blog

Bai's assignment are super ultra annoying
wrong timing
just when everything is near to deadline -_-

have been pretty occupied with DP
stayed till 11.30pm just to finish the DP report
and coral and i flagged a cab back home since we dun want to camp overnight in sch. drained out.
and the cabbie driver was pretty amused by coral who dashed out to the first lane just to flagged for the cab :D pretty interesting.
but we're just scared tt there will not be many taxi since the roads are pretty empty alr :(

then the submission date.
made a 'fatal' mistake of not bringing my charger since my laptop has autocad
last min changes have to be made on my lappie
then send for reprint again
koped coral's charger which was pretty loose so she has to hold it in place for the entire time :x
$1.20 for each A3 paper
and $0.60 per page color printing
sweats.
total $12+ each
sigh wonder how we will do for DP
it will be pretty disheartened if we can't even get a B+ and above
cos the amount of effort we put in is reali worth more than 4mcs and we did our best!
so there goes the 180+ pages, printed with a tinge of faded yellow (printer spoil -_-)
the watermark looks weird but nvm la

and throughout the sunday, deph was sms-ing me rather often to 'add oil' for me hha
i was in sch at 11am till 11.30pm
pretty sweet of her tho i took quite long to reply..
thanks gal!

anws read petr's blog and it seems everything is good and dainty :)
happie for her and may this rs persists on

alrights shall go back to DP
rehearsal tmrw :S
presentation - chills~

solidworks - chills++++
i better not flopped this time or my cap for this sem will reali be chui

and so i went to deph's hse to study
woke up late so only managed to arrive there ard 11+
by that time, deph has alr woke up :)

had fishball noodles for lunch..deph's childhood frequent
and i thought of orange bowl..meiy's pri/sec sch's fav food :D
happily munching on potato chips
enjoying air con
enjoying deph's company
enjoying the choc too.
manage to do my dp throughout the afternoon with no nap in between. nice~
if i was at home, i wld feel lazy :)

SO i realise i've been going to deph's hse several times in a row just this particular week
some day feeling motivated. some day feeling sleepy.
and not forgetting, saving up on tpt fee. Hohoho.
and just like what deph said " it will be good if i can stay overnight"
Yesh i definitely will like to and i think i will be able to study throughout the night or maybe enjoy some background hongkong drama too :D

the weeks ahead will be a mad rush for both deph and i.
Even more so for deph whose sch term will end much earlier than me :x

and the significant dates:
Nov 2: DP submission / FYP setup(if possible)
Nov 3: esesc welfare pack giveaway
Nov 4: TE HW submission (trust Prof Bai to join in the crowd so last min -_-)
Nov 5: DP presentation
Nov 6: Solidworks unseen II (drats!)

and on top of all these, i sld start on my fyp
just like what Prof Hu suggests..to make my presence felt in the lab haha
bug pple to help me start up
prepare the necessary chemicals and equipments required
train myself.
and so i realise that talking to prof hu wasn't tt bad afterall
she uds that dp is taking up most of my time tho she emphasize that my progress is way too slow
haha but she did giv good suggestion and manage to motivate me :D
goodie! hope this motivation persists. It better!
and i truly think that prof hu reali deserve the good mentor award :)

alrights back to dp.. long weekend ahead

waiting for deph
then take a lift to her hse and try to study for another 3 hours :)

meiy is feeling sleepy now..its pretty hard to be awake in afternoons!
tho am quite amazed that i din slp this morning while deph took a nap
since i slept at 3+am and woke up at 6am -_-

still drawing and inserting the dimensions (almost done. yippee)
much patience.
it's rather depressing that the drawing looks alil too overestimated or underestimated lol
tho i din use autocad since i sort of forget most of it, microsoft ppt still can visualize the size of each process. Haven check mass balance. DP submission next week, 1st draft yet to be seen. parts missing. wonder what's the group doing lol too tired to bother abt everything. Meiy shall just complete hers and worry abt it nx week. -_-

fyp on the hold. shall do it tonight tho that was what i told myself ytd :(

unseen cad nx week. 3 hours. model/assemble/draw. Prays that meiy can do it.
Please dun be cock eye or a smart-aleck :x

and today is tuesday.
Happy birthday sharon and stan!
tmrw is wed and its mop-downstairs-day. Maybe i shall just let my mum do it. evil thoughts.

blahblah..

-back to the world of dimensions-

somehow i'm like a coward... disgusting.

This is it!
Freaking year proj i have!!
dropped into quicksand
arrgh!
meiy just want to disappear from the earth..seriously.

went to the lab for the 2nd time and came back disappointed
and it's bcos of meiy's plain stupid big brains
arrgh!!
i thought he will set up everything and today he said i gotta come out with the parameters such as pressure blahblah which makes totally perfect sense tt i ought to do it but WHY EVER DID TT NOT DAWN ONTO ME TILL NOW!!! meiy stupidly assume tt there'll be this STANDARD format to follow..u noe just like every expt we did from secondary till now..we're thought to think liddat or at least me! another wasted day.
back with 3 thesis on hand.. how very nice. -_-
and tt goes to show how much more effort i've to put in
a dent in the already dent heart
SOBX!!!

at least i din get yelled at..which i think i rightfully deserve it
sth consoling -_-'''

i think i need a big cry
nah it's just the sand getting into my eyes

lately..
meiy has many things running through her mind
constant nagging feeling
constant dislike between meiy and meiy
i'm beginning to reali detest myself....

anws shall jot down the happenings in the past few days.

National Service. Not me but brother.
Yeps, he went in tgt with me, dad and mum. enjoyed the ferry ride esp when u get to see a pretty closed up view of planes flying pass :)
(meiy paused for a moment, thinking tt she has blogged abt her bro going in NS but meiy hasn't blog abt it at all :( arrgh.)
so went in for the tour..at least i realise what's company, platoon and section. like finally :) but of course, i've more to learn. definitely.
brother came out last friday due to deepavali. lucky bro!
lobster face, fair legs, and of course the highlight - botak! then he began very kan chiong abt learning how to fold clothes, how to pack stuff, and how to fold his sleeves. (seriously, i'm not sure if i sld comment on this but..the long sleeves are sure hard to fold into short sleeves -_-)
quite comical. oh and i was fascinated abt his army bag too. muahaha.. seems like doremon's pocket..can keep putting stuff into. :) hoho. but then alot of clothes to wash -_- somehow i foresee myself doing it someday sometime lol
sigh without bro at home..it just seem one of meiy's 'comrade' is down. spending more time doing hsework..at least sth to keep me moving other then studies which recently i seem to have lose interest in. seriously!
anws he's back in tekong for 2 weeks lol..wonder how he'll look like when he's out.


bdae!
dis year din went out with petr and kiaj. sigh i'm always free on tues but petr is not -_-
so mini celebration with kiaj and frenz + kf
received a pretty card :) lurve it
cake was nice too and during the group photo..a housefly wheez pass muahaha...what timing it has.. had dinner in sch, settled fyp for a while. (meiy is finally working on her fyp)
then chill out at ecp. pretty nice bar and great walk. and another cake! blackforest. simply heavenly! received a fixed jigsaw puzzle tt glows in the dark too.. plus it's mickey and minnie. cute~ thanks kf!
somehow oct 13 always brings back memories...it's slowly becoming rather (in)significant...
but then some memories is better left untouched at times :s
my buddies all have been asking what i want for prezzie but i reali dunno..
i jokingly told my sis tt i want a wastewater treatment text lol but it's not bad an idea since it's all pretty expensive. blah!
thought of jerry's album which i haven bought
saw an origami book which is pretty amazing. origami structures
history of korea.. watching too many period drama has made me rather interested in it hehe
biz books... for the survival of the next step in life
backpack..to squeeze everything tt i need to bring for sch including my lappie
coach bag..which i sld be using the $80 voucher that jassie and frenz gave me to buy one :)
hmm what else..a driving license..a car...a job!


job hunting.
haven start. din manage to write a good solid resume and cover letter
when will i do it? god knows.
but i'm pretty lost at what to choose and..
there's so many things tt i want to do.will like to do but..
engineering consultant.safety officer.analyst.hotel management.project manager.planner.
so which one?

fyp.
many many literatures to read up. parameters to set. apparatus to set up and i just read the detection of NDMA mtd and i almost died! so many steps and so many questions unanswered. (+ i'm scared of that TA tt i have to approach -_- she scolded me before during urop so lol abit uncertain there) unknown machines to use..operation steps -_-
sobx
prays hard.. :)

dp.
inidvidual drawings all by me :) somehow this is the only part tt i like in this academic term lol
and yesh i'll definitely enjoy it.. so sld be chop chop settle hehe
mass balance. i've a hunch tt our mtd reali got abit of prob and quite hard to smoke thru so yah got to count again.. using metcalf mtd.

alrights lately things have happen
hope things will straighten out soon!
jiayou jiayou!
sometimes love can just be so heart aching and frustrating
but at the same time, it can reali be a beautiful experience :)
so pple out there, enjoy it to the fullest
dun let all the minor minor thing affect it. it may just be short.

alrights.. back to literatures.
shan't dwell on the emotional downs currently.

partyworld this afternoon wif the gals :)
jassie.wendy.meihui.weili.melia
to celebrate meiy and weili 's bdae!
enjoyable tho this the second time i went K. lol
not exactly my type of recrea but it does let one relax and enjoy
plus with these gals who get high easily..it's pretty hard not to have enjoy it :)
Thanks gals!

and jassie actually bought bubbles to blow so to create the concert effect. cool~
had shirley temple and bubble tea
nice cake that melia and meihui deliberately went down to orchard to buy it (the meeting place is clarke quay -_-)

and i sang weirdly
somehow my voice sounds not like meiy haha
and i seriously can't sing the lady portion when duet..it's juz too high for me lol
sobs~

then we went central to eat and chit chat/gossip/catch up alil here and there
talked abt the recent updates of our classmates then.
rot along singapore river. look at the 'bungee jump' right outside, listening to all the screams and seeing their legs fall in a rather funny manner :)
taking in the breeze plus occasional smell of cigerattes -_-
din drink since all working tmrw....
and as i sat there, looking across to those drinking along the river, past images flashed through my mind. The times when clarke quay was still full of renovation.the times when 851 bus stop looks dark and creepy.the times when central wasn't there, i think. and the times we sat there and rot.talk.chill.

lingering around stubbornly
tho it's suppose to be locked.chucked.kept in one corner of the heart

okies
shall stop here..getting alil emo lol
must be all the emo songs sang during K

nightey to the world!

missing jassie
and as usual i will always mention...the times when we walked down along the stretch of road towards the house...
missing yashni
the times when we always buy chicket fillet dipped in a special chilli sauce while walking to the bus stop....
missing faiqah and jing hock
the times when we worked tgt and still get to talk reasonable amount of things lol
somehow my uni friends dun exactly noe much abt me..we are jus in a group for the sake of it
somehow there isn't much sharing of personal stuffs but in one way or another, i still miss them alot!